Quotes – #17.

“Ladies and gentlemen… ladies and gentlemen… ladies and gentlemen…
(The microphone is not working; the crowd is talking in full volume; she panics a bit and screams)
OI!
(Total silence; with the whole audience staring at her)
Sorry, the microphone’s not working. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to the launch of ‘Kafka’s Motorbike’ – the greatest book of our time. Obviously, except for your books, Mr. Rushdie, which are very good too. As are yours too, Lord Archer, yours aren’t bad either. But anyway, ahm, what I mean is, welcome to the launch of one of the top 30 books of our time. And, anyway, here to introduce it, properly, is, ah, the man we all call, ah…
(To herself)
Titspervert. Titspervert.
(To audience)
Fitzherbert. Because, that is his name. Mr. Fitzherbert, sir. Thank you.”

(Stands back; Mr. Fitzherbert takes over)
“Thank you, Brenda.
(Switches on the microphone easily)
Just switch this on…”

– Bridget Jones’s Diary.

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